im staring out into that vacuum again
from the back porch of my mind
the only thing thats alive, im all there is
and i start attacking my vodka
stab the ice with my straw
my eyes have turned red as stoplights
you seem ready to walk
you know ill call you eventually
when i wanna talk, until then youre invisible
cause theres this switch that gets hit
and it all stops making sense
and in the middle of drinks
maybe the fifth or the sixth
im completely alone at a table of friends
i feel nothing for them
i feel nothing, nothing...
well i need a break from the city again
i think ill ship myself back west
i've got a friend there
she says, "hey anytime"
unless that offers expired
i have been less than frequent
shes under no obligation
to endulge every whim
and im so ungreatful, i take
she gives and forgives and i keep forgetting it
and each morning she wakes
with a dream to describe
something lovely that bloomed
in her beautiful mind
i say, "i'll trade you one
for two nightmares of mine,
i have somewhere i die
i have somewhere we all die"
im thinking of quitting drinkin again
i know ive said that a couple of times
and im always changing my mind
well i guess i am
but theres this burn in my stomach
and theres this pain in my side
and when i kneel at the toilet
and the mornings clean light
pours in through the window
sometimes i pray i dont die
im a goddamn hypocrite
but then night rolls around and it all starts makin sense
there is no right way or wrong way, you just have to live
and so i do what i do, and at least i exist
what could mean more than this?
what would mean more, mean more?
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